"Numb"

I really love the sensation of numbness, physically and mentally. Being sedated and not being able to feel parts or the entire body is of great pleasure to me, under a drug such as Ketamine you lose sensation of the entire body and become almost entirely a mental being. However right now I am not experiencing physical numbness but mental. I enjoy being neutral to my surroundings, having no feeling positive or negative to my current situation. However just by being happy with numbness I am already throwing myself out of the state of mind because I have a thought of happiness. Then I lose the sensation that was making me happy and I become upset. It is a vicious cycle. Just writing is destroying the mental inactivity and creating emotions and thoughts. So for now I am going to endulge in my favorite activity, non active living, just sitting and being in complete oneness with my surroundings. BBL.