"Fiction"

This is now me; this is now my horrible existence. All because of one mistake, one wrong turn in the ridiculously long road of life. It was a simple enough task, deliver a package to a deli in Queens, no questions asked. Five hundred dollars for an hour drive and a quick delivery, sounded like a great opportunity to make some quick cash. I had only met the guy who I was doing this job for once or twice, his name was Mike. He was a friend of a friend seemed cool enough, down to earth guy who got along with everyone.
Well next time I see him we most definitely won’t be getting along. He owes me, he owes me big time. I don’t plan on collecting my debt in cash or favors, I’m collecting in blood.
Sure it was “ask no questions”, but I thought it was something obvious like drugs or guns in that package. Figured he just didn’t want to get pulled over with them in his car, but I was willing to take the chances for the cash. See this wasn’t for the pure selfish reasons of gaining some easy dough. It was much more complex than that. It was for the pure selfish reasons of not wanting to have a kid at the age of 20. My girl was pregnant and we needed the cash for an abortion.
Not only am I too young to have a kid, but God knows how fucked up in the head the kid would grow up to be. I’m not so sane myself, too many drugs and way too much fighting. I don’t know how to take care of myself let alone another human being who is entirely dependent on me for their existence. My girl said she was willing to have it and put it up for adoption, but I know deep down in her egotistical soul she wanted none of that. All because she would probably go crazy gaining so much weight. She used to be anorexic now she just exercises constantly and obsesses over eating healthy. But not being able to control the weight gain might throw her back into old habits.
So I did this for her as much as me, at least I tell myself that so I don’t feel like a complete scum for craving so badly to rid this world of my future hell spawn. I mean I always believed in pro-choice, but once you have to make that choice you start to understand where all those pro-life Christian fanatics’ beliefs come from. It’s a tough time to go through for all parties involved.
So Mike had heard about my dilemma and I believed that’s why he decided to give me this job. Wanted to help out, or at least that’s what it seemed like at first. Psychotic fuck, delusional bastard. What was going through his head when he did this, I can’t even imagine.
Some people must just lose their entire grip on reality, that’s the only explanation for the things they do. They must honestly not grasp the reality of the situation’s they create around themselves. Finding joy in someone else’s misery is the pathetic response of a person who isn’t happy with their own life, and needs to see other’s feel even worse than them. But finding joy in sick twisted situation’s that make most people question humanity as a whole, that’s just the thinking of a mad man.
So here I am, running from the police, not able to go back to my apartment, not having a single friend in the world believe the truth about what happened. My life is a complete mess. I don’t even care about proving my innocence anymore, I have nothing to live for but revenge, I will kill the man who did this to me and then I will kill myself.




Note To Reader:
Now that you know how the book ends you might as well stop reading. I mean what’s the point right? You are all so impatient with life, always trying to reach an end prematurely without paying attention to the events passing right by your face. So what makes you think you’ll take the time to pay attention to the events in a fictional characters life any more so than your own. Put the book down; go do something productive with your life.

Mike was a manipulative, compulsive, aggressively psychotic person. Somehow he hid it very well though from the outside world, keeping his other life secret from his friends, family, and co-workers. At night when he went home though there was barely a night he didn’t break something in his apartment or go to the pet store to buy an animal just to torture and kill it.
He once paid a cheap, very cheap, hooker a thousand dollars to let him beat her. She was so used to getting beaten by her pimp though that it barely fazed her and the money was insanely more than she was used to for an hours work.
This is the type of person Mike is, he has way too much aggression and doesn’t know how to take it out in a healthier manner. He does have the discretion though to keep it in his personal life and not let it leak out at inappropriate times. However he’s never done something so purely evil and as insane as what he did to that guy with the pregnant girlfriend.
I didn’t know the guy, but no one deserves to go through that sort of pain. As I write this I am awaiting the arrival of the police. You see Mike is a patient of mine, and he just came clean about all of what he had done. Doctor patient privacy is important to me, but not when it comes at the expense of someone else’s life.
Mike has always had a history of violence, I knew this from the first time he came to me. But he came on his own, no one forced him, so that was a good sign to begin with. I tried to help him, I knew what he was doing with the animals and what he had done with the hooker to be wrong, but in the grander scheme of his sanity and becoming a healthy member of society they weren’t so bad.
I blame myself really, how could I not have seen this, he seemed like he was making progress, but then this happens. It seems like it is all of a sudden but it had to have been growing inside of him. I didn’t see anything though, does that make me a bad doctor, or him a very good actor?
I promised him I wouldn’t tell anyone, who knows if he believed me or not though. He could have taken this like any other session and just gone home, which would make it much easier for the cops to find him. Or he could have realized the mistake he made and be on a train out of town already.
What the hell is taking them so long anyways? You would think murder suspect would rank high enough to merit a faster response time. Guess not though because I’ve been waiting here for over an hour. Not that I have much else to do though, I spend almost every waking hour in this office, between the overwhelming amount of patients I’ve had this year and the loneliness of my house brings me since my wife left me.


He called the cops on me, no question. What the fuck is wrong with me, he caught me at some sort of moment of weakness. I knew I couldn’t trust him with the important stuff, why did I give in to his interrogations. Now I have to start all over again somewhere new, somewhere no one knows me.
My mission will never be complete at this rate, I need to be stronger, I need to break myself of these bad habits. When will I learn that these weak humans are nothing but trouble? I am so much more than them, I am smarter than their tiny intellects, stronger than their weak bodies, I am the one, I am God.
I have complete control over who lives and who dies, I have the ability to see the outcome of my actions before they take shape. I can control the people around me and the situations I am in.
When will this weak pathetic society finally see past their delusional state of being and into the well of the universe that surrounds them? When will they be enlightened and fully understand the meaning behind their actions? When will they stop living life in a state of sleep walking and wake up to experience their lives in full?
They call me insane, they’re the insane ones. They’re the ones who hide behind false images they create for themselves. They’re the ones who live life in fear of the all mighty hand of some benevolent creator who controls the outcomes of their lives.
I have stripped myself free of all of these limitations. I see the truth behind the illusions and I’m not afraid to finally take steps to become who I am supposed to be. I don’t kill for joy, I don’t kill for revenge, I kill because that is my meaning in life. That is what I was put here on earth to do.
Maybe your reason for being here is to be a teacher, maybe it is to bare children, or possibly to become a great leader. Maybe you will become an athlete or a judge, a mortician or a drug dealer. Well I have become what it is I was meant to be and it is my way to enlightenment.
At first the only time I found peace in life was in taking another’s life. It was a constant calling, an urge that I didn’t fully understand at first. But now just as the swordsman eventually lives life free of the sword, I have come to the point where I live life free of my murderous urges. I no longer need to kill to feel the power of enlightenment, it is part of my every day life and murder has become so engrained in my soul that I no longer need it in my physical life.
You too can come to this state of being with whatever your calling is, whether it be art, or music, meditation or prayer. Everyone has a journey they must take and everyone has activities that bring them pleasure and relief in their lives no matter what problems they may be going through. You know that one activity that when you partake in it everything seems to be perfect and time seems to be at a stand still. There is no thought of the future no worries and the next thing you know you’ve spent the better part of 5 hours on something that felt like 10 minutes. Well that’s how I felt when I tortured, killed and mutilated other living things.
If that is how you feel when you play foot ball then that can bring you to enlightenment, if that is how you feel when you knit then that is your spiritual calling in life, if it is how you feel when you run then run till you find the truth behind the lies. Run until you can’t run anymore, and then push yourself to run a little more.


I no longer exist, in the normally conceived aspect of the concept, you no longer would be able to perceive me with your senses unless you have brought yourself to a higher level of reality that vibrates on a different wave length, with different energy sources and much more complex forms of communication.
Knowledge and information is not passed by the spoken or written word but with the exchange of energy between two beings. The energy holds within it the conceptual ideas one being has inside her consciousness and it is passed straight to another being's consciousness without the use of verbalizing the idea. Thoughts start out as an electrical impulse in one’s brain that are translated into the most appropriate terminology, and passed on through language to another person. The other then takes the words, translates them into some form of understandable idea and considers the possible meaning of them beyond their actual connotation.
Such a primitive way of communicating, and one that is very easy to make mistakes with. Misunderstanding occur all the time, language barriers are formed between people’s of different nations, people with a better education have the ability to articulate more so than lesser fortunate people. However that does not mean the lesser fortunate are not as smart just that they don’t sound as intelligent because they don’t use large words to express what could be genius ideas. How much has the human race lost because they didn’t want to listen to someone who seemed to be less intelligent than themselves, but in all reality held within them a deep understanding to a great deal of life’s questions.
Where I am now none of this is a problem. I am lowering myself to standards much below myself just to express these ideas to your under developed minds. I am to you, what you are to single celled organisms.
You should know about my existence though. I wish those like me could make ourselves more abundant to you so you could know that you may be the dominant species of your planet, but you are not the dominant consciousness’ of this reality. However there are very few humans who are sensitive enough to the energies we are part of to experience our arrival. Most of the time those who do “see” us are deemed to be either liars or insane by those who have not seen us.
However you cannot live your life only believing in what you have seen and experienced first hand. You have to put your faith in something beyond yourself, and your immediate surroundings. If you don’t believe in what you haven’t seen then how can you believe in the past? You would have to say that Hitler never killed 6 million people, that Egyptians never built the great pyramids, that Vincent Van Gough never painted the Starry Night, all because you never saw any of this happen.
But I’m not here to tell you this, because I know you’re not listening anyway, you’re nodding in recognition of the words you hear but not actually understanding the meaning. So why don’t we get to the real reason for my visit here to the earthly plain of existence. I have an untold story. One that must be heard for my “soul” to finally rest. And you will be the audience for my final expressions as a sentient being. Then I can be laid to rest for good and end my eternal cycle of rebirth.
Thank you for taking your time to understand these words, if you go over them again you might find new meaning in them. You might get a greater understanding of me and what it is that we are supposed to be gaining from this conversation, as one sided as it may be.