"Ugh"

Holy Jesus did I drink alot last night. Started at a work x-mas party, went to a friends house and then ended up at a bar till 4 in the morning. It's definitely the drunkest I've been without blacking out in a long time. Spent the entire day today feeling like shit obviously and sleeping off and on until 5:30. Last night was fun, I drank for free ALL night, I got two presents, a $50 bonus and I won $30 playing ceelo. Now the question is, would all of this have happened if I hadn’t have been drinking. I honestly don’t think it would have, I might not have gone to the x-mas party without drinking because I didn’t want to be stuck in a room with a lot of people who I barely know sober. Then I definitely wouldn’t have gone to my friends house where people were drinking if I wasn’t going to, and obviously I wouldn’t go to a bar. So alcohol was the stimulant, or the fuel, that kept me running through the night. It's the lubricant that makes socials settings seem more comfortable. However one of my goals I'm trying to set for myself is to stop drinking all together by the New Year. I slowed myself down to once a week or so, from what was every day more or less for the past year. So I think it’s a good start, but stopping all together is going to be very hard. Even when it doesn’t come to needing to drink in social settings, every once in a while I really like to get a 6 pack of good beer and just hang out at home and watch some movies by myself. So do I just stop drinking in social settings and to the extent that I usually do, or do I force myself to stop drinking all together? I believe drinking responsibly and occasionally is alright, but the problem is I only seem to be able to stay on that path for a short amount of time before I'm set off onto another drinking spree, or blackout night. So drinking once in a while would be teasing myself and setting myself up for a fall. It's incredibly tough when the majority of my friends drink almost every night. Going out and not drinking would be torture, and not going out at all would become lonesome and boring at some point. I know I have to find other things to distract me from the idea of drinking, I know I should probably stop all together, at least for a little while until I feel more sure of being able to handle the occasional drink, and I know that drinking into a stupor, or drinking every night is a ridiculous waste of my life. It limits my potential not only while I’m drinking but for the entire next day I am useless. This is going to be hard, wish me luck.